i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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