my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize