thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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