apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
