I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So. Much. Porn.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
