I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
