oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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