you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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