I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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