for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
