and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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