look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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