you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
