sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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