They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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