I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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