is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
