3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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