I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
