I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?