No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.