I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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