Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.