Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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