do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.