nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm too high and old for this...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
