He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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