i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
