i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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