Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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