if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
