dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
