I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
