either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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