ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
