people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
