you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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