Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.

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  (818): I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand. http://tfl.nu/hyhy
  Replies (9) Good night (733) Bad night (2335)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If i could tip my vagina, i would.

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  (616): If i could tip my vagina, i would. http://tfl.nu/vria
  Replies (7) Good night (3394) Bad night (495)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?

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  (781): did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt? http://tfl.nu/bzrm
  Replies (26) Good night (4252) Bad night (701)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?

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  (802): and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina? http://tfl.nu/mzx1
  Replies (47) Good night (647) Bad night (6088)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs

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  (773): I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs http://tfl.nu/cj7x
  Replies (29) Good night (4412) Bad night (906)
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  (626): View more from California

  You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.

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  (626): You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I. http://tfl.nu/6sde
  Replies (9) Good night (6932) Bad night (825)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.

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  (845): I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again. http://tfl.nu/ku6h
  Replies (15) Good night (3300) Bad night (848)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

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  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (5035) Bad night (1873)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

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  (781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i
  Replies (67) Good night (2598) Bad night (9028)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.

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  (541): Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet. http://tfl.nu/2bxm
  Replies (4) Good night (613) Bad night (824)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.

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  (828): you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire. http://tfl.nu/efxs
  Replies (7) Good night (1463) Bad night (399)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!

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  (414): we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally! http://tfl.nu/l12k
  Replies (3) Good night (1299) Bad night (391)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby

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  (623): I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby http://tfl.nu/cxps
  Replies (6) Good night (940) Bad night (383)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much

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  (647): im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much http://tfl.nu/vzm3
  Replies (6) Good night (239) Bad night (637)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?

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  (303): Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real? http://tfl.nu/o1yr
  Replies (1) Good night (385) Bad night (281)

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