I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.