i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
