just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.