do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!