tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?