dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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