haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
