if you like me you must not know who I am
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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