i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
