she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
soo... how was my night?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
