Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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