But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
