this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
