How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize