I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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