I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
