i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
