Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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