I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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