I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
