worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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