Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
