I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
