Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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