Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
