Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
