I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
