I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
