Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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