I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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