Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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