my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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