I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
