DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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