that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
