On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
