the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
