your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.