PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.