apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...