he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now