The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.