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Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Randomize
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